Grandma please don't die..

I was at work and I got a tx from my younger brother Euscil. For some reasons he wasn't able to contact me because my phone wouldn't ring. And I'm not surprised because my phone is always like that.. All of my friends said the same thing about my phone and I know that they are already irritated about it too.. I wanted to buy a new phone but I felt like it's not wise for now since money is still very tight.. I know that the money that I could be using to buy a new phone can be used to purchase the other necessities. Euscil txted me that I  have to be in our Grandma's house immediately because Grandma getting weaker and weaker and couldn't move anymore.. I'm already worried about it since I know that my Grandma has had a lot of multiple high blood stroke history in the past.. and her situation is getting worst because of the place that she live in.. While working, my mind was pre-occupied about my Grandma's situation... I really love my Grandma and I want to help her and at least let her feel a little bit of a good life before she dies.. My tears wouldn't just stop falling when I knew that she is getting weaker and weaker everyday and I couldn't do anything about it because my salary isn't coming up and there is no one that they could turn into but me..

As I rushed to my Grandma's house after work and I as I arrive in the little space that they lived, I could see her lying down with out the strength to even sit down.. As I went nearer to her, she tried to reach me but she couldn't.. I slowly held her face and told her that "Lola naa naku" (Grandma I am here).. My tears just fell as I went close to her.. I couldn't help but cry because of the situation that she is in and how much I wished for something at that moment to be changed.. She tried to open her mouth and utter words but she has no strength to do so.. By looking at her, I could tell that she is very happy that I have arrive.. I took her by my arms and held her like a baby.. I gave her a kissed on the cheek and as I looked at her, I look at the woman who had gone through a lot, a woman who had no education, and had nothing but mostly the pains and bitterness that poverty has offered yet the woman who chooses to survive.. I knew that with out her, I could also not be where I am right now.. I remembered that It was her who taught me the value of hard work, persistence and talking to strangers even from the very young age of  five. She would take me to the airport and we would sell sweepstakes to these foreigner that would arrive and sell them anything that we could get our hand off..

My aunt Tessie told me that she needed to be sent to the Hospital as soon as possible but Grandma wouldn't budge because she knew that I had no money hence I just started from a new job and she wouldn't want me to have a hard time looking for money to pay for her medical bills.. I cried more when I've heared that.. I was then reminded that this is one of the reason why I wanted to be rich.. so that at least we have the check to go to the Hospital and pay the medical bills with out worrying about it.. and that I could do more than just praying to God to let her live.. and I hope you know what I mean.. Honestly, I really think that there is nothing wrong about wanting to have a good life for the very purpose and reason to help other peoples lives become better because of the little money that you could have helped..

As I bid good bye to my Grandma to go back to work, (I had to go back to work overtime for some reason to study) she was able to utter these words that made me cry even more.. "I am so proud of you my darling grandchild Divyne Lee Paduga.. You are the most kindest, the most deligent, and the one who would always look back and take care.. Thank you for loving me.. Thank you for loving your brothers and your mother.. Take care of them.. I love you my dearest grandchild, my darling beautiful girl".. And I'm like.. Lola.. Grandma.. Please don't say that.. she said no.. you have to follow what the Lord's will.. As she was saying that, I could tell that she is already saying good bye and that hurts even more.. I could do nothing but hold her and pray.. While holding her I said and prayed "Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us grandma.. thank you for her love.. thank you for the privilidge that you have given us to be her family.. we love her dear dear father and may you keep us strong and accepting come what may.. Thy will be done.. in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.." Grandma whispered amen and kissed me good bye..


Please not now.. not yet..

After all that has been.. I am blessed..

Hello Everyone!!! And to whoever is reading this blog!

How are you all?! I've missed you and I missed writing this blog..
I couldn't believe how time flies to fast... Time flies so fast that I was just writing about my 21 year old birthday blog last year and this coming Tuesday will be my 22nd birthdaaaayyyyy!! Hurraaayy for that.. So let me tell you how my life has been.. It was all good.. Still pretty tough you know.. Trying to make a living and getting by with life.. I now have a new job at the company called Author Solutions and what I do is I work as a Publishing Consultant.. Pretty tough job because what I do is deal with people who would want to make their dreams come true like publishing their book and sort of same stuffs.. aside from that, my job is to talk them out of it and make it happen by purchasing our publishing product for their book to be published... It's more of a sales job still.. I just started from this job a while ago and when I will get my salary this October 30, 2012, I plan to buy our family 1 sack of rice!!! A lot of groceries and buy my Grandma her medicines and milk.. It would be in a while still but it will soon come! Right now, I am still broke and I still walk an hour to get to my job and I got out at 1am.. that's just past in the middle of the night and I still have to walk home because literally I don't have the money for fare.. But I have to get by!!! Sometimes, my officemates invite me for lunch but I say that I am full because I don't want them to know that i don't have the money yet to eat out with them.. but it's still okay.. because someday I might be able to eat soon.. In the office yesterday, we had Krespy Kreme doughnuts! I'm so happy because it was my first time! Haha! So no boyfriends for now but concentrate on work and making things happen! See ya all! Till here! Love you!


XOXO
divyne!!!