Grandma please don't die..

I was at work and I got a tx from my younger brother Euscil. For some reasons he wasn't able to contact me because my phone wouldn't ring. And I'm not surprised because my phone is always like that.. All of my friends said the same thing about my phone and I know that they are already irritated about it too.. I wanted to buy a new phone but I felt like it's not wise for now since money is still very tight.. I know that the money that I could be using to buy a new phone can be used to purchase the other necessities. Euscil txted me that I  have to be in our Grandma's house immediately because Grandma getting weaker and weaker and couldn't move anymore.. I'm already worried about it since I know that my Grandma has had a lot of multiple high blood stroke history in the past.. and her situation is getting worst because of the place that she live in.. While working, my mind was pre-occupied about my Grandma's situation... I really love my Grandma and I want to help her and at least let her feel a little bit of a good life before she dies.. My tears wouldn't just stop falling when I knew that she is getting weaker and weaker everyday and I couldn't do anything about it because my salary isn't coming up and there is no one that they could turn into but me..

As I rushed to my Grandma's house after work and I as I arrive in the little space that they lived, I could see her lying down with out the strength to even sit down.. As I went nearer to her, she tried to reach me but she couldn't.. I slowly held her face and told her that "Lola naa naku" (Grandma I am here).. My tears just fell as I went close to her.. I couldn't help but cry because of the situation that she is in and how much I wished for something at that moment to be changed.. She tried to open her mouth and utter words but she has no strength to do so.. By looking at her, I could tell that she is very happy that I have arrive.. I took her by my arms and held her like a baby.. I gave her a kissed on the cheek and as I looked at her, I look at the woman who had gone through a lot, a woman who had no education, and had nothing but mostly the pains and bitterness that poverty has offered yet the woman who chooses to survive.. I knew that with out her, I could also not be where I am right now.. I remembered that It was her who taught me the value of hard work, persistence and talking to strangers even from the very young age of  five. She would take me to the airport and we would sell sweepstakes to these foreigner that would arrive and sell them anything that we could get our hand off..

My aunt Tessie told me that she needed to be sent to the Hospital as soon as possible but Grandma wouldn't budge because she knew that I had no money hence I just started from a new job and she wouldn't want me to have a hard time looking for money to pay for her medical bills.. I cried more when I've heared that.. I was then reminded that this is one of the reason why I wanted to be rich.. so that at least we have the check to go to the Hospital and pay the medical bills with out worrying about it.. and that I could do more than just praying to God to let her live.. and I hope you know what I mean.. Honestly, I really think that there is nothing wrong about wanting to have a good life for the very purpose and reason to help other peoples lives become better because of the little money that you could have helped..

As I bid good bye to my Grandma to go back to work, (I had to go back to work overtime for some reason to study) she was able to utter these words that made me cry even more.. "I am so proud of you my darling grandchild Divyne Lee Paduga.. You are the most kindest, the most deligent, and the one who would always look back and take care.. Thank you for loving me.. Thank you for loving your brothers and your mother.. Take care of them.. I love you my dearest grandchild, my darling beautiful girl".. And I'm like.. Lola.. Grandma.. Please don't say that.. she said no.. you have to follow what the Lord's will.. As she was saying that, I could tell that she is already saying good bye and that hurts even more.. I could do nothing but hold her and pray.. While holding her I said and prayed "Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us grandma.. thank you for her love.. thank you for the privilidge that you have given us to be her family.. we love her dear dear father and may you keep us strong and accepting come what may.. Thy will be done.. in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.." Grandma whispered amen and kissed me good bye..


Please not now.. not yet..

After all that has been.. I am blessed..

Hello Everyone!!! And to whoever is reading this blog!

How are you all?! I've missed you and I missed writing this blog..
I couldn't believe how time flies to fast... Time flies so fast that I was just writing about my 21 year old birthday blog last year and this coming Tuesday will be my 22nd birthdaaaayyyyy!! Hurraaayy for that.. So let me tell you how my life has been.. It was all good.. Still pretty tough you know.. Trying to make a living and getting by with life.. I now have a new job at the company called Author Solutions and what I do is I work as a Publishing Consultant.. Pretty tough job because what I do is deal with people who would want to make their dreams come true like publishing their book and sort of same stuffs.. aside from that, my job is to talk them out of it and make it happen by purchasing our publishing product for their book to be published... It's more of a sales job still.. I just started from this job a while ago and when I will get my salary this October 30, 2012, I plan to buy our family 1 sack of rice!!! A lot of groceries and buy my Grandma her medicines and milk.. It would be in a while still but it will soon come! Right now, I am still broke and I still walk an hour to get to my job and I got out at 1am.. that's just past in the middle of the night and I still have to walk home because literally I don't have the money for fare.. But I have to get by!!! Sometimes, my officemates invite me for lunch but I say that I am full because I don't want them to know that i don't have the money yet to eat out with them.. but it's still okay.. because someday I might be able to eat soon.. In the office yesterday, we had Krespy Kreme doughnuts! I'm so happy because it was my first time! Haha! So no boyfriends for now but concentrate on work and making things happen! See ya all! Till here! Love you!


XOXO
divyne!!!

I hope you miss me like I do..

I dedicate this song to this golden heart man Stephen A. Bowen

I'll just let Adele speak for my broken heart :(

*I know you haven't made your mind up yet. 

But I would never do you wrong. 

I've known it from the moment that we met,

No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do, go to the ends of the earth for you..

To make you feel my love. 

Some dreams that I have :)

To reflect in a place just like this

To witness sunrise in Mt. Fukushima

To jump on a cliff

To swim with a whale

To dive in Tubataha Reef

A picture of the Tubatahaa Reef

To live and volunteer in Africa

To serve as a full time missionary of the Lord in his Vineyard

To be married to the man who loves me and that I love for time and eternity.

To live in a cute house like this with my husband and raise our children in a loving home instilling values.

To become faithful come what may.

My Dream House for my Mother, Mommy Tessie and Grandma. I want this house to be open and welcoming.

To own a renting apartment just like this in the Philippines!

To be around the Prophet and attend a live General Conference

To pay for my mother's medicals bills and to send my brothers to college to my best ability.

To take Sister Byrd on a trip to new Zealand

To meet Les Brown

I wish that the man that I will marry would look neat, healthy and maybe as cute as this dude below. Haha. Joke. But sure, I wouldn't say No if the heavens would gave me a man like this with six pack! Meet my crush! John Kolsh! :)

  

The Flower Power women!!! :)

Last two Saturday's ago, we had an activity with the Relief Society called the Flower Power activity. What we did was that we wore the clothes that has some flowers in it and walk on the runway to show it to everybody! It was a great time and a great moment to be together with the women that I love. I don't have any face book active so I better post the pictures here to give you an update and a peek on how fun it was!

The Relief Society women and me with our Floral Attire.

With my beautiful Wines!

Friends forever will always be!

With Nanay Lisa!

Ate Love! :)

Meet the Aguilar's!

Nanay Nuñez!

Patrick grew so fast!

The Relief Society!

Welcome to McDonald's Gohan! :)

Today is my nephew's first day working in McDonald's as a Kiddie Crew. I am so happy as I watched him serve fries and burger. I enrolled him in this Summer Job Experience and paid a heck of a fortune because I want't him to learn the value and importance of work and be exposed in a working environment at the very young age. This is one of the right way's to spend money I believe. I want him to value work because it is work that is the catalyst of success. It is work that is the miracle ingredient to have a happy life. It is work that could be the best antidote when you're sad, upset or depressed. I am just so glad we all could work in way's that we could to improve our lives. Working is great. Working makes me happy. 

 I know he's only ten but I want him to be learned in advance and get a taste on life while he's young. This is one of the best way's that I could help him. I love this little kid. I have so much hope for him. I love being an Aunt. It has been a great blessing to see my nephews grow and become a part of their lives. There is no happiness compared when you invest life unto life. I love the happiness that I felt being around them..

 I wish to be better and off good standing in life someday so that I could help them to be the best that they could be.

So I know I'm being dramatic. I can't help! :| They're family. So after I picked him up from his so called first summer job, we hit off the I-Store and took a pictures of ourselves. We looked like crazy using public camera's but it was way fun and great. 

We walked home and called it a great new experience day. Enjoy the pictures peeps! :D

Aunt Ging will always be here. :)

Isn't he cute?! He is hardworking, smart and quick to learn! So proud of my baby!!!!

Take a Risk. Take a chance, Make a Change and BREAKAWAY!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwkM_BBUtk8

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)

And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging around revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings

And I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway 

January why do you have to be so tough..

My uncle, one of the very best man that I look up to, just passed away.. he could have live longer if we had the money to give him the best medication.. went back to work & found out that their is no work because I was laid off.. The food business.. the one that I built from scratch failed again.. I'm jobless, penniless & full of debt.. Am I sad? Not a word to describe.. In-fact my heart is broken to pieces.. What am I gonna do? I'm going to answer you straight with no dramas.. I will Respond, Be brave, Be Courageous.. I'll use my brain and work hard again & again until I know I've given up my all.. I'll be wiser and optimistic. I know that all of these tragedies & shits plays an essential part to help me become the best human soul that I could ever be.. I choose to be strong & tough no matter what. I choose to smile even though I know I'm really really dying inside.. I will believe that life is still beautiful.. That someday my life will be very better from this.. that someday, all of this will be bitter sweet memories.. When success will come it will be very sweet because I have paid a very high price.. and given up more than I could give.. Someday I know I will have what I want because I believe that God gave me a beautiful life to live.. So no matter what, come what may.. and I'll love it.. :)